6 Big Mistakes That Will Keep You From Getting Him Back
Your breakup is never permanent until your boyfriend moves on. This gives you a small window of opportunity... a slice of time where your breakup dangles precariously in the neutral zone, halfway between losing him forever and getting him back for good.
It's during this crucial time that most girls make mistakes. BIG ones.
And yeah, it's very easy to read this and identify some of the mistakes you yourself are making. Fixing those mistakes however, is the hard part.
Like everything else in life, you can learn how to get someone back. It's a skill. It can be practiced, it can even be mastered.
If you think about all the girls who have boys chasing after them, it's usually because of something they're doing. It's not just looks. It's not just personality. It's a combination of moves they make, coupled with detachment techniques, that trigger the emotional responses necessary to make guys want them no matter what they do.
These girls are successful for a singular reason: they make few or none of these mistakes. Even if they did nothing else; even if they sat back and just waited, they'd still be ahead of the game because they haven't dug themselves a hole.
The errors listed below can make or break your attempts at reconciliation. They can help you get through the first, harder stages of even the nastiest of breakups, and make things so much easier during the later phases - so much so, that you'll feel you're on cruise control.
This is where that fabled transformation happens: the balance of power gets shifted. The control returns to you. Your ex boyfriend starts chasing after you again, rather than the other way around, and this is where you'll have him eating out of the palm of your hand. This is where he comes back to the relationship on your terms rather than you crawling meekly back into his life and hoping he doesn't break up with you again.
But right now, you're hurting. Bad.
Right now, you feel like almost anything you do is wrong.
And to be honest? That's because most of the stuff you're doing IS wrong. You're driving your ex boyfriend in the opposite direction through a series of bad actions or undesirable behaviors.
Understanding these behaviors is half the battle. Eliminating them from your life is the other half.
Some of these problems can be fixed. Others are more difficult to rectify. But even if you can eliminate most of these behaviors, you'll start to change the way your boyfriend views you. With just a few quick changes, he'll start seeing you as a girlfriend again
Before we start, understand one thing: you'll have to be STRONG. It's not enough to just read through this list; you actually have to demonstrate the strength needed to change the way you think.
Remember: strength is confidence. It's independence. It's security rather than insecurity. These are the traits that will win your boyfriend back. These are the things that will drive him back into your arms, where you'll become his girlfriend again.
Stop Fighting Against the Breakup and Accept It
It's the number one mistake people make after getting dumped: trying to argue for reconciliation. And with every point you make, with every line or reasoning you throw at your boyfriend that the two of you should stay together... you're actually convincing him more than ever that you should really be apart.
Understand that your man wants a girlfriend with value. A girl with value doesn't beg. She doesn't plead. She doesn't try to "convince" a guy to keep dating her, because a girl with value doesn't have to.
Each argument you make devalues you just a little bit more. So the less you say after the breakup? The better off you'll be. The more valuable you'll seem, and the more your exboyfriend will begin to doubt himself in his decision to end the relationship.
Finally, accepting the breakup opens him to later communication. Right now, while you're still trying to actively get him back? Your boyfriend will avoid you. He knows that all you really want is another chance to repeat the same shit over and over again (and he doesn't want to hear it). But once you've agreed and accepted with the breakup? Now he can talk you again. Now you're "on his side", so to speak, with regards to the next level of your relationship.
If your breakup already happened, watch this opening moves video. It explains exactly what you need to do to keep your boyfriend from slipping too far away, so you can keep him within reach for getting back together later on.
Stop Throwing Yourself a Giant Pity Party (because no one is coming)
What kind of guy are you attracted to? Is he weak? Irrationally insecure? Sitting at home depressed, with his head down all of the time?
Does he cry a lot, pout a lot? The type of guy who's got a never-ending Doomsday complex, and you're always trying to talk him off of a ledge?
No? Of course not. And guess what? That's exactly the way you're acting if you're throwing a big pity-party for yourself after getting dumped.
Look at it this way; your boyfriend needs to be attracted to you before he can take you back - mentally, physically, and emotionally. That's a big part of the overall equation.
Nothing is more unattractive to a guy than an ex-girl who's depressed, crying, or even trying to guilt him into taking her back. A girl who's acting more like a child than an adult, and someone without even the strength to go on without him.
To win back your boyfriend's attention you'll need to stay POSITIVE. And not just positive, but optimistic, too. Your outlook should be bright. Your disposition should be happy, cheerful, even ecstatic. 100% of the time.
So stop feeling sorry for yourself. Even if it feels good, and your friends are giving you shoulders to cry on, it's the absolute WORST thing you can do right now. Continue along this line of behavior and you'll only sink deeper into depression. And along the way, you'll drive your boyfriend even further in the opposite direction, because nobody wants to take back a big weepy train-wreck of a person.
Eliminate all Behavior That Seems Needy or Desperate
Ever try to catch a dog that got loose? The more you run after it, the faster it runs? But if you stop, and actually back off a bit? Slowly but surely, the dog comes to you.
Chasing your exboyfriend is a lot like that. Move too quickly, or push too hard, and you're never going to get him back. In fact, the more you interest you show in him, the less interest he'll show in you.
Calling your ex, texting him daily, 'liking' his Facebook or Instagram posts... all of those behaviors are needy and desperate.
Yes, I know you did these things every single day while you were going out with him. Yes, I know they never seemed needy before. But right now, after the breakup, you need to recognize that everything has changed. All of these seemingly innoculous daily behaviors only serve to ratify your boyfriend's decision: that yeah, you obviously need HIM a lot more than he needs YOU.
Trying to 'run into' your ex is even worse. Right now he doesn't want to see you, and in fact, the less he sees of you the better. Your boyfriend needs to MISS you first, before he can want you back. That's an important step you cannot skip, no matter how much it hurts to withdraw. So to make him miss you? You'll need to go away for a while. And by go away, you'll need to eliminate ALL forms of contact between you and your ex, for at least several weeks, before reconnecting with him on any sort of level
Here's a list of 7 things you can do while waiting out the NO CONTACT portion of your breakup. These things are hugely important, because doing them will also help you get over the grieving and desperation that threatens to undermine your efforts to get him back.
Breakup Mistakes Part II
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