Step One: Acceptance (Agreeing With the Breakup to Get on His Side)
Alright, you're here because your boyfriend broke up with you. And no matter what you've done so far, nothing has worked to get him back. Well that's okay. Because you came to the right place.
Breakups happen every day. And breakups are fixed every day, too. In fact, almost half the people who break up end up getting back together in one form or another, to give things another shot.
That's not because people are 'forgiving', or anything sappy like that. It's due to solely to one very powerful thing:
Emotional Attachments.
It's the perceived loss of these attachments that are hurting you so very badly right now.
And believe it or not, it's these same attachments that prevent your ex boyfriend from wanting anything to do with you. He's pushing you away because of these feelings, not in spite of them.
So the first thing you need to know? It's that he still has feelings for you. No matter what he says, no matter what he does, your boyfriend didn't press some magic button to turn off his love for you. Emotional bonds and attachments can't be severed overnight, and they won't be flipped off as easily as turning off a light switch.
Of course, your boyfriend will make it seem that way. He'll ignore you texts and refuse your calls and be absolutely cold and even rude to you when you do get in touch with him.
And all of that? It's an act. It's a front your ex puts up because he doesn't want to face his feelings right now. In breaking up with you, he's chosen to stay away from you as much as possible with the hope that those feelings and emotional ties will eventually GO AWAY.
And they will... in time.
But not just yet.
Why Your Boyfriend Broke Up With You The Way He Did
Okay, now that we know he still has those feelings, let's put yourself in your boyfriend's shoes for a minute. He wants to move on. He wants to be single. More than anything, he wants to break free with as little drama as possible. To accomplish that, he wants to avoid you trying to get him back.
He knows you're going to try, of course. Maybe you already have. Some girls take a rational approach; "If I can only talk to him, I can make him SEE that we're good together."
Other girls take more drastic measures, begging, pleading, even crying at their boyfriend's feet. This is the "pity me" rationale; they believe they can actually guilt an exboyfriend into dating them again, as if any of this would actually work in the long run.
A third approach? Anger. Some women feel so rejected when a guy breaks up with them they'll start tearing into him. Mentally, verbally... hell, even physically. They'll say things they can't take back and do all sorts of damage to the relationship they're actually trying to save.
And in the end, when they don't get back this man that they love? They'll blame him for it, regardless of their own recklessly destructive behavior.
Anyway, back to your boyfriend's shoes. So here he is, breaking things off. And when he finally walks away? Your now ex-boyfriend wants to wash his hands of the whole ugly experience. He wants to make the cleanest possible getaway, without having to explain himself, listen to your 'stay together' reasoning, or worst of all, have to sit there uncomfortably and watch you cry.
Trust me when I say guys HATE all that. They want to avoid it no matter what. And this is why most guys will never give you the real reasons for ending the relationship in the first place.
Why Trying to Fight Your Breakup Will Never Work
By now, you can see that anything you do right now isn't going to work. You're not going to change your boyfriend's mind simply by talking to him, or through logic, reasoning, begging, or guilt. So how can you make him want you back?
Well, your first step is simple: you have to get on your boyfriend's side.
Essentially, this means you have to stop fighting the break. Stop looking for ways to get back with him, and stop trying to talk him out of his decision.
In short? You have to break up with him in order to get him back. Which sounds weird at first, but when you think about it, it's really the one thing your ex boyfriend can't even argue with.
"Listen, you're absolutely right. Things are bad, and we're probably better off apart. Sorry it took a while to see it, but I get it now. No hard feelings, and I wish you the best of luck."
This is a great example of how agreeing with the breakup instantly aligns you with your boyfriend's own line of thinking. Suddenly, you're not fighting him. You're actually agreeing with him, and you're accepting his decision in a very cool and mature way. You're awesome! You're the most understanding ex girlfriend ever!
Yet what this really does is stop the break up process dead in its tracks. Your boyfriend isn't going to slip any further away, because he has no reason to run from you. You've totally stopped chasing him. If anything, you've proved yourself amicable AND approachable. Where before he was avoiding you (and even a little bit afraid of you), this is going to make him actually want to hear from you again.
By walking away like this, something occurs to him that he's never had to face before:
He actually stands to lose you.
Up until now, he took comfort in the knowledge you were sticking around. Up until this exact moment, he was 100% sure he could get you back. This made him feel safe. It enabled him to test-drive the breakup, with no obligations to keep it going.
But now? All of a sudden he's not so sure anymore. You sound like you've had it. Almost like you've got something else to do. Or maybe even someone else to do, which is going to worry him more than anything else.
You see, accepting and agreeing with the break up is the first big step toward getting him back. You're undermining his confidence. You're forcing him to question whether cutting you loose was really what he wanted, or if he was just chewing on the idea around for a while to see how it tasted.
How to Recover Your Ex Boyfriend's Original Feelings For You
Once you've accepted the situation and stopped fighting it, you can start working on making him need you again. This is now a possibility, but only because you've made it known that you're NOT trying to get him back.
Confused? Don't be. Because while the whole thing seems backwards, it's perfectly in line with human nature. Which reiterates the following amazingly-accurate point:
We Always Want Most the Things We Cannot Have
You know this to be true; we've all gone through it at one point or another. And that's because we take things for granted when we have them. Only once we lose those things to we start to recognize the actual VALUE those particular things have to us.
Value is what you lost, when it came to your boyfriend. He broke up with you because, simply put, he didn't see you as valuable to him (i.e. girlfriend 'material') as he did when he first asked you out. To get him back, you'll need to show him you ARE valuable - even more than ever before, actually - but that comes later.
What to Do if Your Boyfriend Broke Up With You Already
If your breakup already happened days or even weeks ago, there are still ways to 'accept' the breakup. Even in the case where your ex hasn't talked to you, or you have no current contact with him at all, it's vitally important that you let him know this.
First, you'll need to employ this critical opening move. Watch the video to know what to do. You can also do this through email or even through text message, but it MUST HAPPEN before you can even think about using the rest of the techniques necessary for getting him back.
Once you've accepted the breakup, and your boyfriend understands (and believes) this? It's time for you to move onto the next step in the process:
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