Contacting Your Ex Boyfriend After The Break Up
It's one of the trickiest parts about getting back together with your ex boyfriend: knowing exactly when to call him. If you want your ex back and are working toward that goal, eventually you'll need to re-establish communication. How you go about doing that, and what you say to him, will often determine whether you can fix your break up... or lose your boyfriend's interest entirely.
Breaking up is never an exact science. It's filled with raw emotion, despair, longing, and withdrawal. Some couples get back together after being apart a short time, and others go their separate ways for good. If you want to be in that first category and win back your ex, you'll need to learn the art of contacting your ex boyfriend after the break up.
Making that first communication with your ex after he ends the relationship can be like walking a tightrope. If you do it too soon, you're going to scare your boyfriend away - if he suspects you're hounding him he's going to pull away and run in the opposite direction. On the flip side of the coin, waiting too long can be equally disasterous. If he begins looking elsewhere, you might find out that your ex boyfriend is dating someone else.
How to Know When to Make First Contact
Getting your boyfriend back requires you to walk that narrow middle ground. You need to withdraw from him long enough to make him miss you like crazy, but not pull so far away that he forgets you're even there. Understand that after your break up occurs, your boyfriend actually does miss you. He doesn't act upon those feelings however, because he's trying to stick to his decision, and if he were to backslide at this point it would only piss him off.
You need to give him the time and space necessary to continue missing you, because that's when your ex will start looking around to see what you're doing. There are re-insertion techniques you can use to accelerate this process, but they must be used carefully and at the right times.
This is a critical time in the break up. If you don't do the right thing here, you're going to lose your boyfriend for good. The correct move for you is actually very easy, but most women find it to be the hardest part of the entire break up process. Because right after you break up? You need to disappear from your ex's view entirely.
Creating Space for Potential Future Contact
Entirely is a pretty solid word, and you need to treat it as such. You want your ex to worry about where you are and what you're doing. You want your ex to think that maybe you've moved on, or are having a blast without him, or even started seeing another guy. He'll have no evidence of this of course, because he won't have any contact with you at all. But the lack of contact will drive his mind to betray him... and it will begin conjuring up the worst-case scenario: you leaving him in the dust and dating someone else.
No contact means just that - no contact at all with your exboyfriend. Stop calling him, taking his calls, or answering any messages he might leave. Don't respond to emails or text-messages from him, and certainly don't send any of your own. Even if your ex boyfriend initiates contact, the best thing to do right now is to ignore him for a while. He's missing you, but you need your ex to want you back. That won't happen if he's comfortably talking to you, communicating with you, or knows exactly where you are. Staying in touch with your ex boyfriend will actually prolong your break up.
You want your ex scared. You want him alone. Even if he's putting on a tough-guy facade, chances are good that late at night, when he's staring up at the ceiling, he's thinking about you.
If you want him back, contacting your ex boyfriend after the break up is something you have to put on hold for a while... sometimes even a long while. Don't ask about him, use your friends (or his friends) to put feelers out... nothing. If your ex suspects you're trying to figure out his own situation, it'll make him feel more confident in his decision to end things.
Creating an Atmosphere Where He Needs to Call You
So what comes next? When do you contact your boyfriend? How long should you wait after the break up?
Every situation is different, but three to four weeks is about average. Yes, that's a very long time to go without speaking to someone you love and want back very much. But think of it this way: you're sacrificing that time to make an investment in your future. Would you give up a month of your life with your boyfriend just to have a long-term future with him that could last forever? Of course you would. Because the alternative - chasing after him and scaring him off - is a much worse scenario. A month from now you'll be even further away from your ex than you were before, with no hope in sight of ever getting back together with him.
Know what to do next. Don't guess. Don't take random shots in the dark, with the blind hopes that you're not screwing things up.
In fact, draw up your own custom, step by step plan for winning your exboyfriend back. By learning what to do (and what not) to do, you can walking the road to reconciliation and stop feeling sorry for yourself. No situation is hopeless if you're willing to make the correct moves, and put in time, patience, and love.
