Step Four: Making Him Need You Back in His Life Again
Your ex broke up with you because he didn't see the value in having you as his girlfriend anymore. So to win that title again? You're going to have to make him want you, and want you badly.
This will be a lot easier now, because you've done the groundwork. And hopefully, you did things in the right order:
First you accepted and even agreed with the breakup. This took his walls down.
Then you rejected him. This turned him from cocky to confused.
After that you disappeared, without explanation. This made you a total mystery. You didn't chase after him, and that only made him more uneasy about breaking things off with you.
And then, when your ex finally got curious enough to look around? He saw a whole new you. A genuinely happy, totally well-adjusted ex girlfriend who looked even better than he remembered. The transformation was even more dramatic, because he expected to find a sad and needy mess.
Traits That Will Make Him Realize He Wants You Back
Just as bad behaviors can destroy your chances of reconciling, good ones will turn your ex completely around. You want any view he has of you to be entirely positive. Every time he looks your way he should be almost jealous with how you look and act, and with all the things you're doing.
The following traits are important. You can't just act them out, you have to really live them:
Be 100% Confident in Yourself
The polar opposite of insecurity is confidence, and confidence is the sexiest non-physical thing about a woman. When you carry yourself this way you'll find your entire outlook on life changes, and more importantly, the way people interact with you changes as well.
Think about someone you know who is always confident. Odds are they're surrounded by friends. Always happy, laughing. Always succeeding at things. This is because confidence breeds success, just as pessism breeds failure. If you yourself can't believe your boyfriend will want you back, he's never, ever going to.
Exhibit a Fiercesome Independence
Relying on people is no way to live your life. It's also a big downer, when it comes to dating, because no guy is looking for a clingy, needy girl whose happiness and well-being always depends on them. That's just way too much pressure.
You'll hear a lot of girls say "he's my whole life... I'm nothing without him..." Sound romantic? Well it's actually unhealthy. YOU should be the person who makes you happy, not the guy you're dating. After all, were you miserable before you met him? Of course not. Otherwise he wouldn't have been attracted to you in the first place.
Become an Overly-Social Butterfly
Get out. No, seriously, get out and do stuff. Sitting at home feeling sorry for yourself is the worst possible thing you can do to attract your ex boyfriend back. He's going to see that as desperate, self-destructive behavior, and he's never going to take you back out of pity.
The more you're seen out in public with your friends, doing things you enjoy, the more your ex boyfriend will realize you have a life without him. This demonstrates the above two traits, confidence and independence, and it also shows happiness beyond the relationship. This is something he doesn't expect or want, because your ex thinks you're going to be miserable without him. In fact, he wants this.
Also go to different places. Don't be afraid to do or try things you've never really done before. Make sure you are having TONS of fun when you go out, and don't be afraid to flirt with or even date other guys. Jealousy is a huge motivating factor in making your exboyfriend take a hard look at whether or not he wants to lose you for good.
Be The Happiest Person That You Know
Happiness trumps everything. By doing what you need to do to make yourself happy, you're creating an atmosphere of attraction that will garner your ex boyfriend's attention and make him view you in positive, rather than negative ways.
Happy girls are always prettier and more approachable than somber girls. They're more fun, more open, more likely to be spontaneous. Happiness spreads, so people like being around you when you're this way. It's a win-win situation.
So grab your friends, your cousins, your family. Go out and see places you never saw before, pick up some old hobbies and BE HAPPY in everything you do. Take all the free time you now have from being single and turn it into a full blown fun-train that your boyfriend can't help but look back and want to be a part of.
Now most of this stuff might seem self-evident. But you'd be surprised at how deep into depression you can fall after a sudden breakup. You can't eat. You can't sleep. You're miserable 100% of the time, and all of this translates to a whole bunch of negativity that you don't want him to see.
The more your ex sees you upset and depressed? The more he thinks breaking up with you is the right thing. So by showing him the opposite, you're showing your boyfriend that he's losing someone fun, cool, happy and exciting.
And like I said, you can't "act" like these things. Put on a brave face over your existing misery and your boyfriend will see right through it. Everyone knows a fake smile. Everyone can see through a passive-aggressive front. Which is why acting upset, bitter, or even nasty toward your ex boyfriend (in regards to your pain) is probably the worst thing of all.
Making Your ExBoyfriend Realize He Never Should Have Let You Go
Your goal during the no contact phase is always the same: doubt. Your ex should doubt what you're doing, doubt his decision to end things, and best of all, start to doubt that he can get you back.
This is where panic sets in. Because up until now? Your boyfriend felt SAFE. He was sure he could undo the breakup anytime he wanted, with just a single phone call.
All he had to do was say the word, and you'd come running back to him, open arms. Everything as it was before.
But now? All of a sudden he's not so sure.
He sees you out, doing new things, and having a whole lot of fun without him.
Most disconcerting of all, you're happy. Deliriously happy. In fact, you look ten times more happy than you ever did while he was dating you.
And you know what else? You also look GREAT. Better than he remembers you. You look exactly like the type of girl he would go after... and that's when he starts remembering the beginning... and when he first started chasing after you.
People talk about 'reigniting the original spark' they had with someone when the romance first blossomed. Well, this is a big part of it. Getting your ex boyfriend to see you as someone exciting and new and most of all, valuable, is a huge step toward making him pick up that phone and call.
And when he does get back in touch with you? You'll need to know exactly what to say and do.
This is important, because saying or doing the wrong thing during your first post-breakup contact can undo WEEKS of hard work. And you don't want to lose any ground here, especially since you've done so much toward making him need you back.
That said, it's time to move on to re-opening those lines of communication. Because you can't get your boyfriend back until you're physically talking to him again:
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