MYTH #4: Being Friends Will Actually Make You Closer Than Before
In a perfect world, this could actually happen. That's if you and your ex parted ways at exactly the same time, with exactly the same mutual feelings of wanting the relationship to end.
So if your breakup was totally simultaneous? Great job - you're in. You can now enjoy getting close with this person as a friend only, eliminating all of the bullshit fights, petty jealousy, and the complications of a sexual relationship.
In other words, grab the popcorn.
The problem, of course, is that you and your exboyfriend won't hang out nearly as much as you think you will. And when you do? You won't feel any closer together.
That's because the intimacy is gone.
Your relationship had many facets. Physical closeness is just one of them. So now that you're friends, and that sort of thing is off the table? Well, let's just say the whole thing won't be as appealing as it once was. And on top of everything else? It'll just feel weird.
It's hard to get close to someone when there are limits. And there will be limits on calling or contacting them, too. You'll feel like you can't keep calling your exboyfriend all of the time, because you'll come off as too clingy. But you'll WANT to call him that much, because you're already totally used to hearing from and/or texting him several times a day.
Remember: you didn't just 'become' friends with your ex. If they dumped you, you were demoted, and that's a pretty hard thing to swallow. Your boyfriend is effectively saying that you're an okay person to hang out with, but as of right now he wouldn't want to date you.
As his 'friend' there's no way around that. But as his ex girlfriend who refused friendship as one of the 5 steps to getting him back, you don't have to worry about being demoted at all.
MYTH #5: Hanging Out With Your Ex Will Reignite Those Old Sparks
This sounds good at first, but when you look at it more closely you'll find that just the opposite is true. Because each day that goes by where you're nothing more than a 'friend' to your exboyfriend slips you further and further away from his mind and heart.
Memories that are sharp right now will fade with time. And as your ex keeps telling everyone else "she's just a friend"? That's all you'll eventually become. Every time he says it, or thinks it, the idea gets cemented just a little bit more in his head.
You'd rather your ex NOT think of you only as a friend. Instead, he should remember you as his girlfriend. This is something you can't do from a position of friendship. It's something that can't happen while you're still his platonic 'buddy'.
And you know what else? You're pretending. You really don't want to be his friend at all, but you're playing the part. Your boyfriend knows this. He's playing along too, partly out of obligation to your feelings, and partly because it's sometimes nice to keep people you love - or once loved - around.
But you can't play that part forever, and the both of you know it. One day your ex will move on, and when he does, how long do you think your friendship will last in the wake of his NEW girlfriend? Think she'll want you hanging around with him? Calling and texting him? No, obviously not. And this will be when the contact drops off, all the way down to nothing. When it does you'll be hurt and even angry, but the only real blame should be placed on the idea that you could still be friends with someone you'd rather have as a boyfriend instead.
In short, being around your ex won't bring you closer together because he never has the chance to actually miss you. Since you never went away, he still gets everything he needs from the relationship. He's got no incentive to change anything, so you'll be his friend for about as long as it takes either of you to find somebody else.
MYTH #6: The Friendship Will Be So Good He'll Want to Date You Again
The very idea of this is self-defeating. Because hey, if the relationship sucked to the point where you broke up, and the friendship is going fantastic... why the hell would your boyfriend want to go BACK to dating you and risk destroying this wonderful friendship you've built?
Isn't it a case of "if it ain't broke don't fix it"?
In short, yes. Even if you could make the friendship awesome and comfortable and free from jealousy, your ex boyfriend would have zero desire to go back to the fighting and arguing that broke things apart to begin with.
Right now, during this glorious friendship, your ex boyfriend has everything that he wants.
He has your attention.
He has your companionship.
He can call or text you when he wants to.
Hell, maybe you're still even having sex. In which case he now has everything he had before, but without all the pressure and constraints of an actual relationship.
Do his own thing? CHECK. Not be required to call you? CHECK. Date other people if he wants to? CHECK.
The problem here is that all of these features come with your friendship, which is an excellent security blanket for him while he does his own thing. And if you try to make a move on him? Your boyfriend can push you gently away and say:
"Whoa... Hey, sorry, this is really nice the way it is.
I just don't want to screw up our friendship."
At that point you're screwed. Not only do you feel awkward and dumb, but now you can't even try to transition from friends back to lovers again. Your "friend" just destroyed any chance of that when he rejected your advances.
In short, if you want this guy back as your boyfriend again? You don't want to make him comfortable. The more secure and fun and happy his life is without you, the less reason he ever has to get back into a relationship with you again.
What you want is your ex to be uncomfortable, even miserable without you. You want him to feel abandoned and lonely, neglected and totally questioning whether he should've ever let you go. Rather than be his friend, you should be a ghost to him. You should disappear almost immediately after getting dumped, which will lead him to believe (and fear) that you've moved on to bigger and better things.
THESE are the techniques that will get your boyfriend back. Not some lame, half-assed, made-up pretend friendship.
Best Way to Go From Friends Back to Lovers Again
Now, if you're already made the mistake of agreeing to stay friends with your boyfriend after the breakup? You'll need a few extra steps first before you can start on the path to getting him back.
One of the best resources for winning your boyfriend back from friendship can be found below:
The Ex Factor Guide, authored by relationship expert Brad Browning, is a complete Step-by-Step system for halting and reversing ANY breakup.
It's specifically tailored for women; because it focuses solely on how to get back together with an exboyfriend, it goes into great detail on the male persona.
What's going on in your boyfriend's mind after the breakup? How can you make him miss you more quickly? What types of things will help make your ex need you again, and which breakup mistakes are going to ultimately drive him away?
All of this and more is covered in a series of written, audio, and even video advice. At the very least, check out this free opening moves video to learn what your initial moves should be, and how you can turn your ex completely around so that he needs you in his life again.
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